1 – What they regularly feed their kid.
Verdict – *Not guilty. I’m a fan of easy/healthy food for the boys. But keyword is easy. I like easy. I like quick. I’m not the type to organize what our menu for the week will be. I don’t stay up late carefully curating the boy’s organic meals for the next day.
I like to cut up a majestic array of fruit for breakfast. 5 minutes tops. Boom. Breakfast. That’s my extent of being a chef in the A.M after I’ve just woken up. I’ve also been mom shamed on several occasions for giving my kids goldfish crackers. Did I get upset? Nahhh…
2 – What their homes really look like.
Instagram moms have a clever trick. Moving everything in a corner of the room, unseen from the camera’s view to make a room look clean, & perfect. Also white. When did all-white everything homes start trending? I can’t even wear a white shirt without getting 10 different stains on it by the end of the day.
Verdict – *Not guilty. I live in a 2-bedroom apartment in NYC with 3 boys. It’s small, it’s cozy and guess what? It gets messy. And by messy, I mean cluttered with toys. I find toys everywhere. In my boots, in the fridge, and under my pillow. And I don’t even try hiding this on Instagram. You can clearly tell in my stories that my apartment has been held hostage by Kai, Rowan & their obscene amount of toy cars and trucks. I mean really, no one should even own the number of cars and trucks that you find in our home. I once got a message from a fellow mom asking “Why is your apartment always messy with the boy’s toys?” Yeah… I’m not even going to touch that one.
3 – What they really look like on a daily basis.
You’ve all seen that mom that obviously photoshopped and filtered selfie with the “no makeup but I’m actually wearing makeup” look and under it the caption reads “#nofilter #nomakeup”. No. Nope. No.
Verdict – *Guilty. Am I guilty of posting a photo or story of me all dressed up from a day or two before with my hair and makeup while I’m REALLY still in bed with smeared eyeliner from the night before & my hair is a frizzy poof-ball that’s half up half down, but not on purpose, it’s just fallen that way from life? Oh yeah. Have I photoshopped a picture of myself where my under-eye bags have bags on bags on bags? Yes. I’m put together MAYBE 50% of the time. The other 50% is me sitting in my apartment, watching the lego movie with the boys for the 10000x time looking like a scared, hungry raccoon looking for its next meal. That being said, I will never…ever use the cringe worthy no filter or no makeup hashtags.
4 – Tantrums
Some moms want you to think their child eats rainbows & poops butterflies (Horton hears a who reference. Wow. I’m a mom). No child is perfect. No one wants to hear about a “perfect child”. I love emotions. Maybe not the array of 40 different emotions Kai & Rowan go through during a 1-hour dinner out at a restaurant, but I love their emotions, the good and the bad. I also love showing them on social media because whenever I see a fellow mom showing a tantrum I want to raise a glass to her and say “Yep. Same here”.
Verdict – *Not guilty. I don’t hide the boy’s tantrums or public outbursts. I document them & I post them. Sorry boys. You did it. I just happened to have my phone ready to record it. Fair game.
5 – Real life and motherhood in general.
Verdict – Occasionally Guilty. Especially during the newborn/no sleep phase. I’ve definitely posted a happy “everything is magical” motherhood photo/caption when inside I felt like a sleep deprived zombie failure of a mom.
An Instagram Bath-time Post –
What it’s like giving my kids a bath –
6 – Wine.
Some Momma’s do not want you to think they drink a sip of any kind of alcohol. I get it. It’s a vice. I don’t “need” a glass of wine, but dangit, sometimes I just really want one after the boys have completely destroyed the apartment for the 100th time that day and they are FINALLY asleep.
Verdict – *100% Not guilty. I actually think I post a story every-time I am having a glass of wine because it’s sometimes my little end of the day happy place. At the end of a very long day, nothing makes me happier than to snuggle up with my husband and a glass of red wine watching an episode of Downton abbey and escaping my toy filled apartment for an hour or two. Now if only I had an estate even 1/100th the size of Downton with just 1 of their maids to help organize the endless black hole which is my to-do list.